On Presence and Joy
 By Kathy Eckles

 
Small Choices with Big Impact

10 Ways to
Restore Your Balance 

1. Breathe and Drink Water
    Take 3 deep breaths and
    drink a glass of water
    slowly.

2. Focus on the soles of your
    feet as you breathe and
    count to ten slowly.

3. Take a break. Walk.
    Quiet your mind.
    Take a break from the
    situation. Walk for 3-5
    minutes with a quiet mind.

4. Flex and relax your
    muscles. 
    Tense your body (or just
    hands and feet); hold for
    five seconds; release.
    Repeat three times.

5. Hold the appropriate 
    finger on one hand with
    your other hand.
    Thumb-worry; Index-fear; 
    Middle-anger; Ring-grief or 
    sadness; Pinky-trying too
    hard. 

 6. Notice a larger  
    perspective. Take things
    less personally.
    Witness yourself in the
    situation and see it from a
    larger perspective.

7. What's the lesson here?
    Be curious, receptive to
    what you can learn from the
    situation that will assist you
    in contributing to a
    sustainable positive
    outcome. Act upon it.

8. Focus more on the other
    person and less on
    yourself.
    Notice their needs, interests,
    and meaning making.   
    Include yourself after you've
    fully understood them. Join
    together to most effectively
    satisfy the surface and/or
    underlying interests of both
    parties.

9. Change your thinking.
    Change your behavior.
    What are you thinking about
    the current situation?
    Retrace your steps until
    right before you lost your
    balance. What happened
    that prompted you to get
    off balance? How might
    you think about the situation
    in a more balanced way?
    What would be a more
    effective response next
    time?

10.Incorporate mind and
     heart for a fuller
     perspective.
     Focus on the current
     situation you associate with
     the imbalance. What is your
     mind telling you about it?
     Shift your focus to your
     heart. What is your heart
     telling you? Bring your
     mind and heart together for 
     a third, and often wiser,
     more inclusive perspective.

     And of course Smile,
     Laugh, Regain Your
     Sense of Humor.
     Remember the joy of
     learning, and how much
     fun the 'out-takes' are at the
     movies. 

On one particular visit home to Cleveland, I decided to simply ‘be with’ my parents. I arrived Saturday morning at 8AM, and was departing Sunday afternoon. We did not  have much time, and it was what we had.

I chose to let go of squeezing in hurried visits to old pals and special places to be with Mom and Dad, consciously choosing to enjoy them, and anything we would do together. It was a simple visit, nothing special . . . or so it seemed.

Nothing and everything happened. I slowed down, enjoyed every moment. I felt filled with love, joy, and a kind of ease that seemed to invite Mom to talk about things that were important to her, while Dad and I did not actually talk much; pretty normal.

Sunday morning, I was in the kitchen when Dad spread his arms across the doorway and gruffly said, "Have you been here for even 24 hours yet?" Now I have been known to rise to the bait, do some destructive inner self talk, push back, and contribute to a less than delicious moment at such tenuous junctures. But this time, feeling relaxed, rested and happy, I had a sense of humor, looked at my watch, smiled straight from my heart and said, "Yes, actually, I have.”

All of the sudden, Dad's faux gruff curmudgeon softened and  a huge smile spread across his face as he said, "And look how much joy you've brought in such a short time!"

Yes, my heart was pounding out of my chest that morning. I'll never forget his words, and how we got there - simply by choosing to 'be with' and enjoy each other. One month after my visit, I was diagnosed with cancer, and Dad died four months later. I never saw him again after that moment of joy in the doorway. And it was a completely satisfying moment.

One small choice resulted in a big gift, one that in the last ten years has inspired many more moments of presence and joy.

We never really know what or how long we have in this one moment, with one another. May you enjoy all your moments in life, even the challenging ones. Choose wisely and clearly. Love who and what you choose, and enjoy that Love chooses you, too.

For the extra challenging 'moments,' if you find you are dangling precariously near losing your balance, presence, focus, perspective, resiliency, sense of humor, or curiosity . . . try any of the 10 Ways to Restore Your Balance. 

                     

 
                                  © Copyright Kathy Eckles, M.A.